Crafty carpenter

So a few things are now explained. We know who August is, and how he knows about fairy-tale land and the Saviour, and how he managed to get to the real world without his memories being affected.

But a few things aren't explained.

• How does August know about the knife?
• How does August know about being able to summon and bind the Dark One?
• How does August know about Baelfire?

I can't imagine he could have found these things out while a puppet/boy in fairy-tale land, which means he must have found them out since coming through the tree. And that most likely means that he's found Baelfire.

Why Mr. Gold hasn't figured this out and tortured August until he revealed Bae's whereabouts is beyond me.

And while we're on the subject of Bae, let's speculate a bit about him. "Baelfire" is the name of the fire lit for the celebration of Beltane. The fire is apparently for cleansing and blessings. What if Bae is a key to breaking the curse? What if, possibly, his nature is so "cleansing" that his involvement can somehow bring everyone back to before the curse? Interesting thoughts.

Various rumours and promos reveal some upcoming tidbits:

• Someone majorly shocking is going to die. A promo also shows Henry fainting, perhaps it's him? It looks like he might have been holding an apple - perhaps he accidentally ingested some poison that his mom had prepared for someone else?
• Regina visits Charming in a dungeon and tells him that she has something even worse than death in mind for Snow White. It looks like she was hot for his bod even back at that point.
• Looks like Snow, the dwarves, Granny and Red are going to try and break Charming out of prison. Red manages to find out that Regina is involved, and Snow White realises it's a trap. However, she doesn't care and is going to try and save Charming anyway.
• When Red comes back to inform the group of this, she has (according to Grumpy) something on her face, which she immediately wipes away. I'm sure whatever it is will turn out to be an interesting part of the story.
• During all this planning, Snow White reveals that she knows the Queen hates her because she (Snow) destroyed her (Regina's) happiness.

Revised timeline:

1. Rumpelstiltskin kills the Dark One and acquires magic and power.
2. Rumpelstiltskin becomes increasingly nasty. His son Baelfire wishes that his father was no longer magic, and makes a deal with Rumpelstiltskin that if he finds a way to get rid of his father's magic, his father will do it.
3. Baelfire's friend Moraine tells him about the Rul Gorm/Blue Fairy. Baelfire summons her and she gives him a magic bean which will take him and his father to the real world, i.e. a place without magic, which will bring things back to normal for him and Rumpelstiltskin again
4. Baelfire fires up the bean's magic, creating a wormhole to the real world. Rumpelstiltskin chickens out at the last minute and abandons Baelfire to the wormhole. (Later in Storybrooke, Mr. Gold reveals that this is the only deal he has ever broken.) Rumpelstiltskin immediately regrets this decision and summons the Blue Fairy to try and fix things. However, there appears to be no other way to go through to the real world (although Rumpelstiltskin does get the idea from this conversation that perhaps it could be achieved through a curse requiring great sacrifice) and Rumpelstiltskin ends up blaming the Blue Fairy for the loss of his son. He also vows to devote his life and forego love until he gets his son back.
5. (This may happen before Baelfire leaves fairy-tale land, but I think it's more likely it happens after) Rumpelstiltskin makes a deal with Jimminy and gives him turn-people-into-scary-ass-dolls potion. Said potion is accidentally used on Gepetto's parents; the Blue Fairy turns Jimminy into an immortal cricket and he becomes Gepetto's best friend.
6. Around this time (a little more than 60 years before the curse), Granny's father and brothers are slaughtered by a werewolf, who then bites Granny. Later, he returns and changes her into a werewolf. They marry, and go on to have a daughter who is also a werewolf. She is later killed by a hunting party, but not before she gives birth to Red, who starts becoming a werewolf at the full moon at the age of 13. From a wizard, Granny buys a red cloak that will prevent Red from changing into a werewolf. Also at some point, Granny's husband dies, as she is later referred to as "Widow Lucas". Granny's werewolfness eventually fades away, although she retains some things, like tracking ability (sense of smell).
7. Regina's mother, daughter of a miller, sacrifices a bunch of things to move from poverty to wealth. (This is probably the Rumpelstiltskin story, with Regina's mother as the miller's daughter. On the other hand, the miller's daughter in the story is supposed to marry a King, which Regina's father clearly isn't, so there's obviously more to the story that we'll probably find out about at some point.)
8. Rumpelstiltskin makes a deal with James' parents to take one of their twins as a son for King George in exchange for a farm
9. Snow White is born (I'm assuming this happens a bit after James is born.)
10. (This may happen before Snow White's birth) The summer palace is built for Snow White's mother
11. Snow White's mother dies.
12. Regina and Daniel fall in love.
13. Regina's mother spooks Snow White's horse to make it run wild, and Regina saves her. As a result, King Leopold proposes to Regina.
14. Regina and Daniel plan to run away together, and Snow White catches them kissing. Regina explains about true love and gets Snow White to promise not to tell anyone about Daniel.
15. Regina's mother, clearly suspecting something, manipulates Snow White into betraying Regina.
16. Regina's mother catches her and Daniel trying to run away together. She murders Daniel by taking out his heart and crushing it to dust.
17. Regina decides to marry King Leopold and discovers that Snow White betrayed her secret. She vows revenge and also figures out that her mother spooked Snow White's horse so that Regina would come to King Leopold's intention.
18. Regina marries King Leopold.
19. Regina's mother trains her up in magic.
20. At some point, Regina's mother must die (or be transformed, or have something happen to her that takes her out of the picture). Very possibly Regina is the architect of her mother's downfall.
21. (Not sure exactly where in the timeline this one goes, but this seems a good guess as it is supposed to occur one year before the Nova-and-Grumpy story) Fairy-godmother-in-training Nova accidentally spills some fairy dust, and it lands on a dwarf egg. The egg immediately hatches and the dwarf inside it is born prematurely, looking around for Nova, whose face he saw while inside the egg. He is informed by another dwarf, Bossy, that dwarves do not fall in love, and, along with his seven brothers (Happy, Doc, Dopey, Sneezy, Bashful, Sneaky and Sleepy) who hatch a little bit later, is given basic dwarf orientation before being given a pick-axe which christens him "Dreamy" and is then sent to mine diamonds and fairy dust.
22. Snow White's father finds the genie, frees him, and takes him back to his palace for yuks
23. The Evil Queen fools the genie into thinking she loves him, and (with her father's help) gets him to murder Snow White's father for her.
24. The genie finds out the Evil Queen is a lying liar who lies, and wishes himself into every mirror she looks into.
25. At some point after the genie is wished into the mirror, the Queen of Hearts kidnaps the Evil Queen's father and hides him in Wonderland. She cons the Mad Hatter into taking her into Wonderland to rescue her father, and then leaves the Mad Hatter there, thus leaving his daughter Grace fatherless.
26. Snow White realises that the Evil Queen is out to get her (since she seemed to be perfectly trusting of the Evil Queen earlier when she was mourning her dad, but knows the Evil Queen wants to kill her not too long after when the Huntsman takes her into the woods). Doubtless this involves her finding out that Daniel was killed and that it really was true love between him and Regina after all.
27. The Evil Queen tells the Huntsman to kill Snow White; instead, he MacGyvers a help-summoning whistle for her and lets her go
28. (This one might have happened before the Huntsman took Snow into the woods, but given that there was a vengeance associated with Snow White using the powder that we didn't see when she was writing the letter to the Evil Queen before the Huntsman caught up with her in the woods, I would guess it happens at this stage of the story instead:) Snow White somehow acquires magic insect powder
29. Snow White starts living rough in the woods; in the winter she hides out one night in Granny and Red's barn during the full moon and is found by Red the next morning. Also that morning, Red and Snow discover that the wolf has massacred a bunch of men who were trying to kill it.
30. Red tells Snow White about the man she loves (Peter), and they decide to track the wolf during the daytime. Red turns out to be a fabulous tracker. The wolf tracks turn into boot tracks and lead to Red's window. Red and Snow White conclude that the wolf is a werewolf and that in its human form, it's Peter.
31. Snow and Red switch cloaks so that Red can warn Peter and chain him to a tree to keep him from killing or being killed
32. Granny discovers the ruse and confesses that the werewolf is actually Red and that the red cloak stops her from turning; Granny and Snow run out to find Red, but she is already munching on Peter. Granny drops the werewolf with a silver-tipped arrow and Snow throws the red cloak over her to change her back into Red. As the huntsmen close in, Snow spirits Red away, leaving Granny to face the music. (She obviously ends up okay, since she and Red are reunited in Prince Charming's castle.)
33. Snow White starts stealing gold and whatnot. (She seems to have picked up some badassery from Granny.) At some point after Snow White starts roughing it, Red seems to regularly bring helpful supplies to Snow White.
34. James' twin brother is killed trying to impress Midas.
35. Rumpelstiltskin makes a deal with King George to get James for him to replace the dead twin.
36. Presumably around this time, King George tells Rumpelstiltskin the location of Cinderella's fairy godmother as payment for getting James for him. At some point thereafter, Rumpelstiltskin poofs said fairy godmother, takes control of her wand, and gets Cinderella to agree to giving him her first-born son in exchange for prettying her up and getting her to the ball.
37. James kills a dragon and gets engaged to Abigail
38. James sees his mother for the last time and gets her lucky ring to give to his future wife
39. As James is making his way back from Midas' kingdom to his own, Snow ambushes his carriage and makes off with his mother's special ring. After a series of madcap adventures together, during which she uses up her insect powder, she gives him back his ring and they go their separate ways.
40. Snow White and James can't stop thinking about each other.
41. Snow White gets a forgetfulness potion from Rumpelstiltskin in exchange for some strands of her hair.
42. James sends Snow White her a letter by dove professing his love.
43. The Evil Queen kidnaps Hansel and Gretel's father and sends Hansel and Gretel to the blind witch's house to steal the poisoned apple
44. Hansel and Gretel deliver the apple to the Evil Queen and she offers to adopt them as her children. They refuse, and she casts them out into the forest.
45. (This part and the rest of the Belle story and the Grumpy-and-Nova story may actually take place earlier, but this placement seems as good a spot as any; I'll certainly move it if more information comes up that makes its placement more specific) The Ogre Wars are going extremely badly for some mayor guy. He makes a deal with Rumpelstiltskin to solve his ogre problem, in return for which his daughter Belle agrees to be Rumpelstiltskin's servant for life.
46. Belle gets to know Rumpelstiltskin and starts bringing him out of his shell. In the process, she chips one of his teacups. She also discovers that he had a son, but fails miserably to get him to ever talk about it. Chemistry between the two of them builds. At one point, Belle's old fiancé tries to "rescue" her, but Rumpelstiltskin turns him into a rose and gives it to Belle, who reveals that her betrothal was purely for political reasons. Eventually, Rumpelstiltskin sends Belle to market for him, fully believing she'll take advantage of this freedom to escape.
47. On the road to or from the market, Belle meets up with the Evil Queen, who tells her that true love's kiss breaks any curse.
48. Belle goes back to Rumpelstiltskin (which surprises the hell out of him) and kisses him. This makes Rumpelstiltskin start to change back into human form; he freaks out (because this will mean the end of his plans to get his son back) and thus stops the transformation. Belle triumphantly tells him about true love's kiss and he freaks out even more. He knows that the Evil Queen is behind this (wanting to eliminate his powers so she will have less magical competition, according to him) and believes that Belle is also out to get him. He has a tremendously impressive temper tantrum and kicks her out of his castle for good.
49. About a year after his birth, Dreamy sees Nova and they have instant chemistry. Nova asks Grumpy out on a date to see fireflies, which he doesn't recognize as a come-on.
50. Belle, drowning her sorrows over Rumpelstiltskin in drink, meets up with Dreamy at a bar and gives him a clue-by-four upside the head that he's in love and that Nova was actually asking him out.
51. Nova arranges for a boat so she and Dreamy can sail around the world.
52. Dreamy sneaks out to run away with Nova but is waylaid at the last minute by the Blue Fairy and Bossy, who convince him to forget being with Nova.
53. Dreamy meets up with Nova, who shows him the boat. He dumps her and heads back to the mine, where he is re-named Grumpy.
54. (This part may happen a bit later) For some reason, the dwarves stop living in the mines underground and start living in a cottage in the woods
55. (This part may happen before Belle meets Dreamy in the bar, it's not clear) The Evil Queen pays a visit to Rumpelstiltskin following his rejection of Belle and tells him (lying, obviously, but Rumpelstiltskin believes her) that Belle's been cast out by her father and killed. Rumpelstiltskin is devastated.
56. (This part may happen at any point between now and the Curse) Something happens to Belle in fairytale land which causes her to end up in a secret psych ward in the Storybrooke hospital once the Curse is enacted.
57. Grumpy is cast into King George's dungeon for some reason.
58. Snow White shows up at King George's palace and is captured, meeting Grumpy in a dungeon. Stealthy breaks them out and is killed trying to escape. Snow White saves Grumpy and meets with King George. King George tells Snow White to tell James she doesn't love him, and lets her in on the fact that James is not really his son. Snow accordingly breaks James' heart and leaves the castle.
59. The seven dwarves meet up with Snow as she leaves the castle and convince her not to use the forgetfulness potion immediately. This scene is viewed by the Evil Queen in her magic mirror.
60. The Evil Queen speaks to Hansel and Gretel's father and discovers that the secret of their happiness is the bond of being a family
61. (This could have happened earlier or later than this point, but I'm sticking it in here for convenience) The Evil Queen acquires the curse from Rumpelstiltskin (doubtless in a deal of some kind) and eventually trades it to Malificent in exchange for a poison to kill Snow White.
62. Abigail tells James about her past love, Frederick. James battles the siren of Lake Nostos. This allows Abigail to free Frederick and motivates James to try and win Snow White's love.
63. It becomes general knowledge that James and Abigail's engagement is off.
64. James goes to some woodland area trying to find Snow White. (I guess a little bird must have told him to go there.) Red Riding Hood tells him she's gone. King George, furious over the broken engagement, shows up with his posse and tries to kill James, who grabs Red Riding Hood and flees on horseback. Pursuit ensues.
65. James and Red manage to elude King George's men for a time, but are found after they make camp. To give James a headstart, Red tells him to go on alone and then, because there is a full moon, takes off her hood so she can fursplode and attack the soldiers. At least one survives as we see him later on with nasty scratches all over his face; it is not known whether Red escapes or is captured.
66. Snow White, however, has already taken the forgetfulness potion.
67. Unfortunately, this has the side effect of turning her into a right royal bitch. With the help of Jiminy Cricket, the dwarves stage an intervention to try and get her to be nice again, but only succeed in motivating her to kill the Evil Queen in cold blood.
68. Snow White waylays one of the Evil Queen's knights and finds out that the Evil Queen will soon be travelling to the summer palace.
69. Grumpy convinces Snow White to get help from Rumpelstiltskin
70. James happens upon the waylaid guardsman and finds out that Snow White will be trying to kill the Evil Queen on the way to the summer palace
71. Rumpelstiltskin says he can't bring back Snow White's personality or memories, but does, over Grumpy's objections, give her a bow and arrow to help her kill the Evil Queen with ("An arrow fired from this bow will give you exactly what you need. It always finds its target!")
72. James goes to Rumpelstiltskin to find out what's going on with Snow White. Rumpelstiltskin reveals that she took a forgetfulness potion which changed her. True love's kiss, however, will of course cure her. Rumpelstiltskin tells James where she is in exchange for James' cloak, and warns James that if Snow succeeds in killing the Evil Queen, she'll become as evil as her and James will never get her back.
73. James catches up to Snow White and kisses her without any effect whatsoever. Enraged, she decks him, knocks him out and ties him to a tree. She then tries to assassinate the Evil Queen, but James, freed by Jiminy Cricket, jumps in front of her arrow in order to save her from evil. Touched by his sacrifice for her, she kisses him and remembers everything.
74. Unfortunately, it's at this point that King George's soldiers catch up to James. They stuff him in a wheeled cage and take him away, leaving Snow White vowing to find him.
75. Rumpelstiltskin combines Snow White's hair with James' hair (which he tweezed off the cloak) and actually manages to bottle love. ("If you can bottle love, you can do anything.")
76. At some point, Snow White must rescue James. Given that they're not killed, they must work it out somehow so that James can end up marrying Snow White and still have a castle to live in - clearly that's a story in itself.
77. Snow White is poisoned by the Evil Queen, put into a coffin, and is brought back to life by a kiss from James
78. Snow White and James get married (she would have been given his mother's ring by this time); during the wedding, the Evil Queen threatens everyone with the curse
79. Cinderella and Thomas get married
80. Snow White gets pregnant
81. Cinderella gets pregnant
82. (This might have happened before Snow White and/or Cinderella got pregnant, or after Rumpelstiltskin is captured, it's not clear:) The Evil Queen steals the curse back from her buddy Maleficent and tries it with no effect
83. Cinderella, Thomas, and James conspire to imprison Rumpelstiltskin; Thomas disappears
84. (This occurs at some point before Snow and James' war council) The Blue Fairy turns Pinocchio into a real boy
85. While pregnant, Snow freaks out about the Evil Queen's threat; she and James visit Rumpelstiltskin and find out that their daughter will be the saviour in exchange for telling Rumpelstiltskin the baby's name
86. The Blue Fairy goes to Gepetto, tells him that the curse is coming, and asks him to convert the last magical tree in the land (a tree similar to the one Pinocchio was made out of) into a transportation vessel (wardrobe). It can only hold two, so the pregnant Snow White and James will go through in order to preserve and raise the saviour. Out of fear for what will become of Pinocchio when the curse takes effect, Gepetto refuses unless Pinocchio can have one of the spots in the wardrobe. The deal is struck: Snow and James will be told that the wardrobe can only take one person; Gepetto will build the wardrobe; and Pinocchio will secretly go through it to safety.
87. James holds a council with the dwarves, Granny, Red, Gepetto, Pinocchio and Snow White to discuss what to do about the curse. The Blue Fairy appears and presents the tree wardrobe plan.
88. The Evil Queen visits Rumpelstiltskin to find out why his curse is a dud and, in exchange for a promise of being rich post-curse and the Evil Queen having to do anything he asks if he says please, he tells her that she needs to sacrifice the thing she loves most; she also discovers that the curse can be undone by Snow's baby
89. The Evil Queen offs her dad
90. The Evil Queen successfully enacts the curse as Snow White is in labour
91. The Blue Fairy tells Gepetto that Snow White is having the baby early and that Pinocchio can now no longer take a spot in the tree wardrobe since Snow White has to go through with the baby after its birth. She has to do some pre-curse preparations with the other fairies, so she charges Gepetto to tell Snow White about all this.
92. Gepetto takes advantage of the situation to send Pinocchio through anyway; he makes Pinocchio promise to protect the baby and tell her what she needs to do as she grows up.
93. Pinocchio goes through the wardrobe.
94. Emma is born; Gepetto tells Snow and James that the wardrobe is ready; James sends Emma to safety via the enchanted tree wardrobe
95. In the real world, Pinocchio retrieves Emma from the tree and takes her to a diner where the authorities are obviously contacted and both children are taken into custody and found foster care
96. The Evil Queen arrives at James' palace, although not in time to grab the baby, and laughs maniacally as the curse takes effect
97. Everyone in the fairy tale world is sent to Storybrook and time stops for them
98. While Emma is still a fairly new baby, Pinocchio has the opportunity to escape their very unpleasant foster home. He does so, with apologies to baby Emma.
99. Around age 18, Emma gets knocked up with Henry. The father is likely a married man.
100. At some point during the pregnancy, Emma is sent to jail.
101. Henry is born in jail. Emma decides to give him up for adoption. At the same time, Regina decides she wants to adopt a baby. Rumplestiltskin is the gobetween and somehow acquires Emma's baby for Regina in exchange for an unknown favour from Regina.
102. Over the next ten years, Henry is presumably the only person in storybrook who ages, since he was a baby when he got there and a ten-year-old ten years later. Given that Cinderella's pregnancy never advances in the 28 years when Storybrook time is frozen, and given that Hansel and Gretel are the same age they were when Emma comes to town as they were when the curse took effect, none of the Storybrook people can have children during the time freeze, nor would the Storybrook children ever age. This would probably be very conclusive proof for Henry that things are majorly effed up in his home town; why he never points this out to Emma or anyone as proof that he's not delusional is beyond me.

Wood you lie to me

Okay, so the preview for next show, "The Return", shows a quick clip of what looks like Pinocchio, in fairy-tale land, getting zapped by some kind of power from the tree that he and Gepetto are preparing for Emma.

What if the tree, during its conversion to a transport system, somehow absorbs Pinocchio's nose-grows-if-he-lies abilities and passes some of it on to Emma when she goes through to the real world? Is that why she has a lie-detecting superpower?

More wild theories - I've seen other people theorizing on discussion boards that August is Pinocchio. If we consider that something went wrong while Pinocchio and Gepetto were preparing the tree for Emma, this could well be possible - maybe Pinocchio was transported by accident to the real world? Maybe that's how the tree absorbed his nose-grows-if-he-lies powers to later pass onto Emma when she went through? Maybe this is how August avoided the curse and retained his memories? (Although that still wouldn't explain how he knows about Baelfire and Rumpelstiltskin's knife. But it would explain how he knows about the Saviour.) Maybe going through the tree prematurely is what made August sick?

This theory would certainly fit with August's apparent age - Pinocchio looked about seven when the curse was imminent, plus twenty-eight years in the real world would make him thirty-five...yeah, August could pass for thirty-five.

And here's another what-if...what if August/Pinocchio was the kid who found Emma on the side of the road when she came through? This would give them that "history together" thing that August kind of let slip in a previous episode, and which Emma looked confused about.

Papa, can you hear me

Wow, Regina has some serious manipulation skillz. Poor Sidney.

At any rate, we have a few mysteries solved. Rumpelstiltskin's enduring hatred of fairies (and, by extension, fairy godmothers, which I guess is why he offed Cinderella's benefactoress) is because he blames them for the loss of his son. (Although the Blue Fairy hit the nail on the head when she told him that he drove Baelfire away. He's just too angry to accept that explanation.) And we know why he created The Curse and manipulated Regina into enacting it. And we now know that Rumpelstiltskin rejected true love with Belle (with insane fury, no less) because being "cured" of his magic would ruin all his plans for getting Bae back.

However, we are still left with the question "Who the hell is August?" Only now, the question is even more complicated. He's someone from fairy-tale land who somehow escaped the curse AND knows about the Dark One AND knows about the knife AND knows about the Saviour, AND somehow got fatally sick. How is any of this even possible?

I have no clue. Seriously, I am completely theory-less on this one.

The other question we have left is, where the hell is Baelfire? Rumpelstiltskin talked about him crossing time and space, so presumably he could not only be any place in the real world, he could be any age, from fourteen on up. Or he could be dead.

And presumably, Mr. Gold has been looking for him in the real world this whole time. I'm guessing that's how he ran across Emma having Henry, through his investigations into his son's whereabouts?

Revised timeline:

1. Rumpelstiltskin kills the Dark One and acquires magic and power.
2. Rumpelstiltskin becomes increasingly nasty. His son Baelfire wishes that his father was no longer magic, and makes a deal with Rumpelstiltskin that if he finds a way to get rid of his father's magic, his father will do it.
3. Baelfire's friend Moraine tells him about the Rul Gorm/Blue Fairy. Baelfire summons her and she gives him a magic bean which will take him and his father to the real world, i.e. a place without magic, which will bring things back to normal for him and Rumpelstiltskin again
4. Baelfire fires up the bean's magic, creating a wormhole to the real world. Rumpelstiltskin chickens out at the last minute and abandons Baelfire to the wormhole. (Later in Storybrooke, Mr. Gold reveals that this is the only deal he has ever broken.) Rumpelstiltskin immediately regrets this decision and summons the Blue Fairy to try and fix things. However, there appears to be no other way to go through to the real world (although Rumpelstiltskin does get the idea from this conversation that perhaps it could be achieved through a curse requiring great sacrifice) and Rumpelstiltskin ends up blaming the Blue Fairy for the loss of his son. He also vows to devote his life and forego love until he gets his son back.
5. (This may happen before Baelfire leaves fairy-tale land, but I think it's more likely it happens after) Rumpelstiltskin makes a deal with Jimminy and gives him turn-people-into-scary-ass-dolls potion. Said potion is accidentally used on Gepetto's parents; the Blue Fairy turns Jimminy into an immortal cricket and he becomes Gepetto's best friend.
6. Around this time (a little more than 60 years before the curse), Granny's father and brothers are slaughtered by a werewolf, who then bites Granny. Later, he returns and changes her into a werewolf. They marry, and go on to have a daughter who is also a werewolf. She is later killed by a hunting party, but not before she gives birth to Red, who starts becoming a werewolf at the full moon at the age of 13. From a wizard, Granny buys a red cloak that will prevent Red from changing into a werewolf. Also at some point, Granny's husband dies, as she is later referred to as "Widow Lucas". Granny's werewolfness eventually fades away, although she retains some things, like tracking ability (sense of smell).
7. Rumpelstiltskin makes a deal with James' parents to take one of their twins as a son for King George in exchange for a farm
8. The Evil Queen has love and loses it because of Snow White not being able to keep a secret (possibly Snow's father is responsible as well)
9. (This may occur somewhat earlier in the timeline) The summer palace is built for Snow White's mother
10. The Evil Queen marries Snow White's father
11. (Not sure exactly where in the timeline this one goes, but this seems a good guess as it is supposed to occur one year before the Nova-and-Grumpy story) Fairy-godmother-in-training Nova accidentally spills some fairy dust, and it lands on a dwarf egg. The egg immediately hatches and the dwarf inside it is born prematurely, looking around for Nova, whose face he saw while inside the egg. He is informed by another dwarf, Bossy, that dwarves do not fall in love, and, along with his seven brothers (Happy, Doc, Dopey, Sneezy, Bashful, Sneaky and Sleepy) who hatch a little bit later, is given basic dwarf orientation before being given a pick-axe which christens him "Dreamy" and is then sent to mine diamonds and fairy dust.
12. Snow White's father finds the genie, frees him, and takes him back to his palace for yuks
13. The Evil Queen fools the genie into thinking she loves him, and (with her father's help) gets him to murder Snow White's father for her.
14. The genie finds out the Evil Queen is a lying liar who lies, and wishes himself into every mirror she looks into.
15. At some point after the genie is wished into the mirror, the Queen of Hearts kidnaps the Evil Queen's father and hides him in Wonderland. She cons the Mad Hatter into taking her into Wonderland to rescue her father, and then leaves the Mad Hatter there, thus leaving his daughter Grace fatherless.
16. Snow White realises that the Evil Queen is out to get her (since she seemed to be perfectly trusting of the Evil Queen earlier when she was mourning her dad, but knows the Evil Queen wants to kill her not too long after when the Huntsman takes her into the woods)
17. The Evil Queen tells the Huntsman to kill Snow White; instead, he MacGyvers a help-summoning whistle for her and lets her go
18. (This one might have happened before the Huntsman took Snow into the woods, but given that there was a vengeance associated with Snow White using the powder that we didn't see when she was writing the letter to the Evil Queen before the Huntsman caught up with her in the woods, I would guess it happens at this stage of the story instead:) Snow White somehow acquires magic insect powder
19. Snow White starts living rough in the woods; in the winter she hides out one night in Granny and Red's barn during the full moon and is found by Red the next morning. Also that morning, Red and Snow discover that the wolf has massacred a bunch of men who were trying to kill it.
20. Red tells Snow White about the man she loves (Peter), and they decide to track the wolf during the daytime. Red turns out to be a fabulous tracker. The wolf tracks turn into boot tracks and lead to Red's window. Red and Snow White conclude that the wolf is a werewolf and that in its human form, it's Peter.
21. Snow and Red switch cloaks so that Red can warn Peter and chain him to a tree to keep him from killing or being killed
22. Granny discovers the ruse and confesses that the werewolf is actually Red and that the red cloak stops her from turning; Granny and Snow run out to find Red, but she is already munching on Peter. Granny drops the werewolf with a silver-tipped arrow and Snow throws the red cloak over her to change her back into Red. As the huntsmen close in, Snow spirits Red away, leaving Granny to face the music. (She obviously ends up okay, since she and Red are reunited in Prince Charming's castle.)
23. Snow White starts stealing gold and whatnot. (She seems to have picked up some badassery from Granny.) At some point after Snow White starts roughing it, Red seems to regularly bring helpful supplies to Snow White.
24. James' twin brother is killed trying to impress Midas.
25. Rumpelstiltskin makes a deal with King George to get James for him to replace the dead twin.
26. Presumably around this time, King George tells Rumpelstiltskin the location of Cinderella's fairy godmother as payment for getting James for him. At some point thereafter, Rumpelstiltskin poofs said fairy godmother, takes control of her wand, and gets Cinderella to agree to giving him her first-born son in exchange for prettying her up and getting her to the ball.
27. James kills a dragon and gets engaged to Abigail
28. James sees his mother for the last time and gets her lucky ring to give to his future wife
29. As James is making his way back from Midas' kingdom to his own, Snow ambushes his carriage and makes off with his mother's special ring. After a series of madcap adventures together, during which she uses up her insect powder, she gives him back his ring and they go their separate ways.
30. Snow White and James can't stop thinking about each other.
31. Snow White gets a forgetfulness potion from Rumpelstiltskin in exchange for some strands of her hair.
32. James sends Snow White her a letter by dove professing his love.
33. The Evil Queen kidnaps Hansel and Gretel's father and sends Hansel and Gretel to the blind witch's house to steal the poisoned apple
34. Hansel and Gretel deliver the apple to the Evil Queen and she offers to adopt them as her children. They refuse, and she casts them out into the forest.
35. (This part and the rest of the Belle story and the Grumpy-and-Nova story may actually take place earlier, but this placement seems as good a spot as any; I'll certainly move it if more information comes up that makes its placement more specific) The Ogre Wars are going extremely badly for some mayor guy. He makes a deal with Rumpelstiltskin to solve his ogre problem, in return for which his daughter Belle agrees to be Rumpelstiltskin's servant for life.
36. Belle gets to know Rumpelstiltskin and starts bringing him out of his shell. In the process, she chips one of his teacups. She also discovers that he had a son, but fails miserably to get him to ever talk about it. Chemistry between the two of them builds. At one point, Belle's old fiancé tries to "rescue" her, but Rumpelstiltskin turns him into a rose and gives it to Belle, who reveals that her betrothal was purely for political reasons. Eventually, Rumpelstiltskin sends Belle to market for him, fully believing she'll take advantage of this freedom to escape.
37. On the road to or from the market, Belle meets up with the Evil Queen, who tells her that true love's kiss breaks any curse.
38. Belle goes back to Rumpelstiltskin (which surprises the hell out of him) and kisses him. This makes Rumpelstiltskin start to change back into human form; he freaks out (because this will mean the end of his plans to get his son back) and thus stops the transformation. Belle triumphantly tells him about true love's kiss and he freaks out even more. He knows that the Evil Queen is behind this (wanting to eliminate his powers so she will have less magical competition, according to him) and believes that Belle is also out to get him. He has a tremendously impressive temper tantrum and kicks her out of his castle for good.
39. About a year after his birth, Dreamy sees Nova and they have instant chemistry. Nova asks Grumpy out on a date to see fireflies, which he doesn't recognize as a come-on.
40. Belle, drowning her sorrows over Rumpelstiltskin in drink, meets up with Dreamy at a bar and gives him a clue-by-four upside the head that he's in love and that Nova was actually asking him out.
41. Nova arranges for a boat so she and Dreamy can sail around the world.
42. Dreamy sneaks out to run away with Nova but is waylaid at the last minute by the Blue Fairy and Bossy, who convince him to forget being with Nova.
43. Dreamy meets up with Nova, who shows him the boat. He dumps her and heads back to the mine, where he is re-named Grumpy.
44. (This part may happen a bit later) For some reason, the dwarves stop living in the mines underground and start living in a cottage in the woods
45. (This part may happen before Belle meets Dreamy in the bar, it's not clear) The Evil Queen pays a visit to Rumpelstiltskin following his rejection of Belle and tells him (lying, obviously, but Rumpelstiltskin believes her) that Belle's been cast out by her father and killed. Rumpelstiltskin is devastated.
46. (This part may happen at any point between now and the Curse) Something happens to Belle in fairytale land which causes her to end up in a secret psych ward in the Storybrooke hospital once the Curse is enacted.
47. Grumpy is cast into King George's dungeon for some reason.
48. Snow White shows up at King George's palace and is captured, meeting Grumpy in a dungeon. Stealthy breaks them out and is killed trying to escape. Snow White saves Grumpy and meets with King George. King George tells Snow White to tell James she doesn't love him, and lets her in on the fact that James is not really his son. Snow accordingly breaks James' heart and leaves the castle.
49. The seven dwarves meet up with Snow as she leaves the castle and convince her not to use the forgetfulness potion immediately. This scene is viewed by the Evil Queen in her magic mirror.
50. The Evil Queen speaks to Hansel and Gretel's father and discovers that the secret of their happiness is the bond of being a family
51. (This could have happened earlier or later than this point, but I'm sticking it in here for convenience) The Evil Queen acquires the curse from Rumpelstiltskin (doubtless in a deal of some kind) and eventually trades it to Malificent in exchange for a poison to kill Snow White.
52. Abigail tells James about her past love, Frederick. James battles the siren of Lake Nostos. This allows Abigail to free Frederick and motivates James to try and win Snow White's love.
53. It becomes general knowledge that James and Abigail's engagement is off.
54. James goes to some woodland area trying to find Snow White. (I guess a little bird must have told him to go there.) Red Riding Hood tells him she's gone. King George, furious over the broken engagement, shows up with his posse and tries to kill James, who grabs Red Riding Hood and flees on horseback. Pursuit ensues.
55. James and Red manage to elude King George's men for a time, but are found after they make camp. To give James a headstart, Red tells him to go on alone and then, because there is a full moon, takes off her hood so she can fursplode and attack the soldiers. At least one survives as we see him later on with nasty scratches all over his face; it is not known whether Red escapes or is captured.
56. Snow White, however, has already taken the forgetfulness potion.
57. Unfortunately, this has the side effect of turning her into a right royal bitch. With the help of Jiminy Cricket, the dwarves stage an intervention to try and get her to be nice again, but only succeed in motivating her to kill the Evil Queen in cold blood.
58. Snow White waylays one of the Evil Queen's knights and finds out that the Evil Queen will soon be travelling to the summer palace.
59. Grumpy convinces Snow White to get help from Rumpelstiltskin
60. James happens upon the waylaid guardsman and finds out that Snow White will be trying to kill the Evil Queen on the way to the summer palace
61. Rumpelstiltskin says he can't bring back Snow White's personality or memories, but does, over Grumpy's objections, give her a bow and arrow to help her kill the Evil Queen with ("An arrow fired from this bow will give you exactly what you need. It always finds its target!")
62. James goes to Rumpelstiltskin to find out what's going on with Snow White. Rumpelstiltskin reveals that she took a forgetfulness potion which changed her. True love's kiss, however, will of course cure her. Rumpelstiltskin tells James where she is in exchange for James' cloak, and warns James that if Snow succeeds in killing the Evil Queen, she'll become as evil as her and James will never get her back.
63. James catches up to Snow White and kisses her without any effect whatsoever. Enraged, she decks him, knocks him out and ties him to a tree. She then tries to assassinate the Evil Queen, but James, freed by Jiminy Cricket, jumps in front of her arrow in order to save her from evil. Touched by his sacrifice for her, she kisses him and remembers everything.
64. Unfortunately, it's at this point that King George's soldiers catch up to James. They stuff him in a wheeled cage and take him away, leaving Snow White vowing to find him.
65. Rumpelstiltskin combines Snow White's hair with James' hair (which he tweezed off the cloak) and actually manages to bottle love. ("If you can bottle love, you can do anything.")
66. At some point, Snow White must rescue James. Given that they're not killed, they must work it out somehow so that James can end up marrying Snow White and still have a castle to live in - clearly that's a story in itself.
67. Snow White is poisoned by the Evil Queen, put into a coffin, and is brought back to life by a kiss from James
68. Snow White and James get married (she would have been given his mother's ring by this time); during the wedding, the Evil Queen threatens everyone with the curse
69. Cinderella and Thomas get married
70. Snow White gets pregnant
71. Cinderella gets pregnant
72. (This might have happened before Snow White and/or Cinderella got pregnant, or after Rumpelstiltskin is captured, it's not clear:) The Evil Queen steals the curse back from her buddy Maleficent and tries it with no effect
73. Cinderella, Thomas, and James conspire to imprison Rumpelstiltskin; Thomas disappears
74. While pregnant, Snow freaks out about the Evil Queen's threat; she and James visit Rumpelstiltskin and find out that their daughter will be the saviour in exchange for telling Rumpelstiltskin the baby's name, and then plans begin to send Snow away from the curse via an enchanted tree wardrobe
75. The Evil Queen visits Rumpelstiltskin to find out why his curse is a dud and, in exchange for a promise of being rich post-curse and the Evil Queen having to do anything he asks if he says please, he tells her that she needs to sacrifice the thing she loves most; she also discovers that the curse can be undone by Snow's baby
76. The Evil Queen offs her dad
77. The Evil Queen successfully enacts the curse as Snow White is in labour
78. Emma is born; James sends her to safety via the enchanted tree wardrobe
79. The Evil Queen arrives at James' palace, although not in time to grab the baby, and laughs maniacally as the curse takes effect
80. Everyone in the fairy tale world is sent to Storybrook and time stops for them
81. Around age 18, Emma gets knocked up with Henry. The father is likely a married man.
82. At some point during the pregnancy, Emma is sent to jail.
83. Henry is born in jail. Emma decides to give him up for adoption. At the same time, Regina decides she wants to adopt a baby. Rumplestiltskin is the gobetween and somehow acquires Emma's baby for Regina in exchange for an unknown favour from Regina.
84. Over the next ten years, Henry is presumably the only person in storybrook who ages, since he was a baby when he got there and a ten-year-old ten years later. Given that Cinderella's pregnancy never advances in the 28 years when Storybrook time is frozen, and given that Hansel and Gretel are the same age they were when Emma comes to town as they were when the curse took effect, none of the Storybrook people can have children during the time freeze, nor would the Storybrook children ever age. This would probably be very conclusive proof for Henry that things are majorly effed up in his home town; why he never points this out to Emma or anyone as proof that he's not delusional is beyond me.

Queen of Wonderland theories

So if the identity of the Queen of Wonderland was not something Surprising and Deeply Significant, they wouldn't have hidden her face. Who, then, could it be? I see three possibilities:

1. She's a copy of Regina
   This is suggested by the fact that a) the Queen of Wonderland had a vault very much like Regina's vault of hearts, and b) that she didn't want to hear Regina being referred to as the real Queen (in an "I'm the real Regina!" sort of thing).
   
   
2. She's Regina's mother
   Regina's mother doesn't show up in the most recent fairy-tale land stories, and we know that Regina resents her deeply (hey, who wouldn't), so odds are that Regina must have gotten rid of her somehow after they all moved to King Leopold's castle. On the other hand, Regina's mother is magic and therefore probably doesn't get killed off very easily; perhaps Regina got rid of her by banishing her to Wonderland? Which would also explain why Regina doesn't want to meet up with the Queen in Wonderland, and also wants to hightail it out of Wonderland as quickly as possible.
   
   
3. She's Snow White's mother
   Could Regina's mother have had an even wider-ranging plan for her daughter than we thought? That not only did she arrange for Snow White's horse to spook at the right moment for Regina to save her and come to the notice of King Leopold; but that she also got rid of Snow White's mother in the first place? And not by killing her (although her husband and daughter obviously were made to think she died) but by banishing her to Wonderland? This would explain the Queen of Wonderland's refusal to hear Regina being referred to as the real Queen, because obviously Snow White's mother's rightful place is as Queen back in fairy-tale land.

The speaking-through-a-horn thing is weird, too. Maybe, whoever the Queen of Wonderland actually is - was damaged in some way and now her voice doesn't work properly? Perhaps she was burned, so that her face is hideous (hence the veil) and her larynx was fried so she can only whisper?

Just some thoughts!

Unstable relationships

Oh, sweet.

Okay, items of interest:

• I am getting more and more intrigued and confused as to who August really is. Clearly there's some sort of important connection between him and Emma that he knows about and she doesn't. There was that one scene where he was appealing to her faith in him and everything they'd shared together, and she looked confused, and then he clearly got a, "Oh, wait, that's right...she doesn't know all our history together" look on his face. WHO IS HE?!? There's lots of speculation on Teh Internets that he's Henry from the future, but then other people have pointed out that there's too much of a romantic chemistry between him and Emma for that to be the case (which I actually don't agree with), and also that Henry's eyes are a different colour from August's. That aside, though, so far, I'm thinking the August-is-Henry theory is looking pretty good.
  
  
• SO relieved that they found Kathryn. For one thing, I hated the thought that she was dead, and for another thing, Mary Margaret can hardly be tried for the murder of someone who's alive, can she. :) The question is, how did the DNA test on the heart come back to Kathryn? Is it because the Evil Queen had taken her heart in fairy tale land and then gotten it out of her vault in Storybrooke to frame Mary Margaret with? (Thus meaning that the DNA tests were accurate.) Or, did Regina use a different heart and somehow screw with the DNA tests?
  
  
• Also, why are we suddenly seeing Kathryn now? If she wasn't really dead, don't you think Regina would have made damn sure that she stayed hidden? Is bringing Kathryn back out into public Mr. Gold's way of "working a little magic"?
  
  
• Will Kathryn actually be able to remember anything of her ordeal?
  
  
• Holy CRAP they got a good match to play wee Snow White! Not only did they find a girl who looked like Ginnifer Goodwin, but that child managed to get so many of Mary Margaret's/adult Snow White's mannerisms down pat. Bravo. Really well done.
  
  
• I'm guessing that as part of her revenge, the first person the Evil Queen will off once she comes into her magical powers is her mom. What a biotch. And how truly stupid of her to blame Snow White for all her problems instead of her mother, who So Obviously manipulated Snow White into telling the secret.

Revised timeline:

1. Rumpelstiltskin kills the Dark One and acquires magic and power.
2. Rumpelstiltskin makes a deal with Jimminy and gives him turn-people-into-scary-ass-dolls potion. Said potion is accidentally used on Gepetto's parents; the Blue Fairy turns Jimminy into an immortal cricket and he becomes Gepetto's best friend.
3. Around this time (a little more than 60 years before the curse), Granny's father and brothers are slaughtered by a werewolf, who then bites Granny. Later, he returns and changes her into a werewolf. They marry, and go on to have a daughter who is also a werewolf. She is later killed by a hunting party, but not before she gives birth to Red, who starts becoming a werewolf at the full moon at the age of 13. From a wizard, Granny buys a red cloak that will prevent Red from changing into a werewolf. Also at some point, Granny's husband dies, as she is later referred to as "Widow Lucas". Granny's werewolfness eventually fades away, although she retains some things, like tracking ability (sense of smell).
4. Regina's mother, daughter of a miller, sacrifices a bunch of things to move from poverty to wealth. (This is probably the Rumpelstiltskin story, with Regina's mother as the miller's daughter. On the other hand, the miller's daughter in the story is supposed to marry a King, which Regina's father clearly isn't, so there's obviously more to the story that we'll probably find out about at some point.)
5. Rumpelstiltskin makes a deal with James' parents to take one of their twins as a son for King George in exchange for a farm
6. Snow White is born (I'm assuming this happens a bit after James is born.)
7. (This may happen before Snow White's birth) The summer palace is built for Snow White's mother
8. Snow White's mother dies.
9. Regina and Daniel fall in love.
10. Regina's mother spooks Snow White's horse to make it run wild, and Regina saves her. As a result, King Leopold proposes to Regina.
11. Regina and Daniel plan to run away together, and Snow White catches them kissing. Regina explains about true love and gets Snow White to promise not to tell anyone about Daniel.
12. Regina's mother, clearly suspecting something, manipulates Snow White into betraying Regina.
13. Regina's mother catches her and Daniel trying to run away together. She murders Daniel by taking out his heart and crushing it to dust.
14. Regina decides to marry King Leopold and discovers that Snow White betrayed her secret. She vows revenge and also figures out that her mother spooked Snow White's horse so that Regina would come to King Leopold's intention.
15. Regina marries King Leopold.
16. Regina's mother trains her up in magic.
17. At some point, Regina's mother must die (or be transformed, or have something happen to her that takes her out of the picture). Very possibly Regina is the architect of her mother's downfall.
18. (Not sure exactly where in the timeline this one goes, but this seems a good guess as it is supposed to occur one year before the Nova-and-Grumpy story) Fairy-godmother-in-training Nova accidentally spills some fairy dust, and it lands on a dwarf egg. The egg immediately hatches and the dwarf inside it is born prematurely, looking around for Nova, whose face he saw while inside the egg. He is informed by another dwarf, Bossy, that dwarves do not fall in love, and, along with his seven brothers (Happy, Doc, Dopey, Sneezy, Bashful, Sneaky and Sleepy) who hatch a little bit later, is given basic dwarf orientation before being given a pick-axe which christens him "Dreamy" and is then sent to mine diamonds and fairy dust.
19. Snow White's father finds the genie, frees him, and takes him back to his palace for yuks
20. The Evil Queen fools the genie into thinking she loves him, and (with her father's help) gets him to murder Snow White's father for her.
21. The genie finds out the Evil Queen is a lying liar who lies, and wishes himself into every mirror she looks into.
22. At some point after the genie is wished into the mirror, the Queen of Hearts kidnaps the Evil Queen's father and hides him in Wonderland. She cons the Mad Hatter into taking her into Wonderland to rescue her father, and then leaves the Mad Hatter there, thus leaving his daughter Grace fatherless.
23. Snow White realises that the Evil Queen is out to get her (since she seemed to be perfectly trusting of the Evil Queen earlier when she was mourning her dad, but knows the Evil Queen wants to kill her not too long after when the Huntsman takes her into the woods)
24. The Evil Queen tells the Huntsman to kill Snow White; instead, he MacGyvers a help-summoning whistle for her and lets her go
25. (This one might have happened before the Huntsman took Snow into the woods, but given that there was a vengeance associated with Snow White using the powder that we didn't see when she was writing the letter to the Evil Queen before the Huntsman caught up with her in the woods, I would guess it happens at this stage of the story instead:) Snow White somehow acquires magic insect powder
26. Snow White starts living rough in the woods; in the winter she hides out one night in Granny and Red's barn during the full moon and is found by Red the next morning. Also that morning, Red and Snow discover that the wolf has massacred a bunch of men who were trying to kill it.
27. Red tells Snow White about the man she loves (Peter), and they decide to track the wolf during the daytime. Red turns out to be a fabulous tracker. The wolf tracks turn into boot tracks and lead to Red's window. Red and Snow White conclude that the wolf is a werewolf and that in its human form, it's Peter.
28. Snow and Red switch cloaks so that Red can warn Peter and chain him to a tree to keep him from killing or being killed
29. Granny discovers the ruse and confesses that the werewolf is actually Red and that the red cloak stops her from turning; Granny and Snow run out to find Red, but she is already munching on Peter. Granny drops the werewolf with a silver-tipped arrow and Snow throws the red cloak over her to change her back into Red. As the huntsmen close in, Snow spirits Red away, leaving Granny to face the music. (She obviously ends up okay, since she and Red are reunited in Prince Charming's castle.)
30. Snow White starts stealing gold and whatnot. (She seems to have picked up some badassery from Granny.) At some point after Snow White starts roughing it, Red seems to regularly bring helpful supplies to Snow White.
31. James' twin brother is killed trying to impress Midas.
32. Rumpelstiltskin makes a deal with King George to get James for him to replace the dead twin.
33. Presumably around this time, King George tells Rumpelstiltskin the location of Cinderella's fairy godmother as payment for getting James for him. At some point thereafter, Rumpelstiltskin poofs said fairy godmother, takes control of her wand, and gets Cinderella to agree to giving him her first-born son in exchange for prettying her up and getting her to the ball.
34. James kills a dragon and gets engaged to Abigail
35. James sees his mother for the last time and gets her lucky ring to give to his future wife
36. As James is making his way back from Midas' kingdom to his own, Snow ambushes his carriage and makes off with his mother's special ring. After a series of madcap adventures together, during which she uses up her insect powder, she gives him back his ring and they go their separate ways.
37. Snow White and James can't stop thinking about each other.
38. Snow White gets a forgetfulness potion from Rumpelstiltskin in exchange for some strands of her hair.
39. James sends Snow White her a letter by dove professing his love.
40. The Evil Queen kidnaps Hansel and Gretel's father and sends Hansel and Gretel to the blind witch's house to steal the poisoned apple
41. Hansel and Gretel deliver the apple to the Evil Queen and she offers to adopt them as her children. They refuse, and she casts them out into the forest.
42. (This part and the rest of the Belle story and the Grumpy-and-Nova story may actually take place earlier, but this placement seems as good a spot as any; I'll certainly move it if more information comes up that makes its placement more specific) The Ogre Wars are going extremely badly for some mayor guy. He makes a deal with Rumpelstiltskin to solve his ogre problem, in return for which his daughter Belle agrees to be Rumpelstiltskin's servant for life.
43. Belle gets to know Rumpelstiltskin and starts bringing him out of his shell. In the process, she chips one of his teacups. She also discovers that he had a son, but fails miserably to get him to ever talk about it. Chemistry between the two of them builds. At one point, Belle's old fiancé tries to "rescue" her, but Rumpelstiltskin turns him into a rose and gives it to Belle, who reveals that her betrothal was purely for political reasons. Eventually, Rumpelstiltskin sends Belle to market for him, fully believing she'll take advantage of this freedom to escape.
44. On the road to or from the market, Belle meets up with the Evil Queen, who tells her that true love's kiss breaks any curse.
45. Belle goes back to Rumpelstiltskin (which surprises the hell out of him) and kisses him. This makes Rumpelstiltskin start to change back into human form; he freaks out and thus stops the transformation. Belle triumphantly tells him about true love's kiss and he freaks out even more. He knows that the Evil Queen is behind this (wanting to eliminate his powers so she will have less magical competition, according to him) and believes that Belle is also out to get him. He has a tremendously impressive temper tantrum and kicks her out of his castle for good.
46. About a year after his birth, Dreamy sees Nova and they have instant chemistry. Nova asks Grumpy out on a date to see fireflies, which he doesn't recognize as a come-on.
47. Belle, drowning her sorrows over Rumpelstiltskin in drink, meets up with Dreamy at a bar and gives him a clue-by-four upside the head that he's in love and that Nova was actually asking him out.
48. Nova arranges for a boat so she and Dreamy can sail around the world.
49. Dreamy sneaks out to run away with Nova but is waylaid at the last minute by the Blue Fairy and Bossy, who convince him to forget being with Nova.
50. Dreamy meets up with Nova, who shows him the boat. He dumps her and heads back to the mine, where he is re-named Grumpy.
51. (This part may happen a bit later) For some reason, the dwarves stop living in the mines underground and start living in a cottage in the woods
52. (This part may happen before Belle meets Dreamy in the bar, it's not clear) The Evil Queen pays a visit to Rumpelstiltskin following his rejection of Belle and tells him (lying, obviously, but Rumpelstiltskin believes her) that Belle's been cast out by her father and killed. Rumpelstiltskin is devastated.
53. (This part may happen at any point between now and the Curse) Something happens to Belle in fairytale land which causes her to end up in a secret psych ward in the Storybrooke hospital once the Curse is enacted.
54. Grumpy is cast into King George's dungeon for some reason.
55. Snow White shows up at King George's palace and is captured, meeting Grumpy in a dungeon. Stealthy breaks them out and is killed trying to escape. Snow White saves Grumpy and meets with King George. King George tells Snow White to tell James she doesn't love him, and lets her in on the fact that James is not really his son. Snow accordingly breaks James' heart and leaves the castle.
56. The seven dwarves meet up with Snow as she leaves the castle and convince her not to use the forgetfulness potion immediately. This scene is viewed by the Evil Queen in her magic mirror.
57. The Evil Queen speaks to Hansel and Gretel's father and discovers that the secret of their happiness is the bond of being a family
58. (This could have happened earlier or later than this point, but I'm sticking it in here for convenience) The Evil Queen acquires the curse from Rumpelstiltskin (doubtless in a deal of some kind) and eventually trades it to Malificent in exchange for a poison to kill Snow White.
59. Abigail tells James about her past love, Frederick. James battles the siren of Lake Nostos. This allows Abigail to free Frederick and motivates James to try and win Snow White's love.
60. It becomes general knowledge that James and Abigail's engagement is off.
61. James goes to some woodland area trying to find Snow White. (I guess a little bird must have told him to go there.) Red Riding Hood tells him she's gone. King George, furious over the broken engagement, shows up with his posse and tries to kill James, who grabs Red Riding Hood and flees on horseback. Pursuit ensues.
62. James and Red manage to elude King George's men for a time, but are found after they make camp. To give James a headstart, Red tells him to go on alone and then, because there is a full moon, takes off her hood so she can fursplode and attack the soldiers. At least one survives as we see him later on with nasty scratches all over his face; it is not known whether Red escapes or is captured.
63. Snow White, however, has already taken the forgetfulness potion.
64. Unfortunately, this has the side effect of turning her into a right royal bitch. With the help of Jiminy Cricket, the dwarves stage an intervention to try and get her to be nice again, but only succeed in motivating her to kill the Evil Queen in cold blood.
65. Snow White waylays one of the Evil Queen's knights and finds out that the Evil Queen will soon be travelling to the summer palace.
66. Grumpy convinces Snow White to get help from Rumpelstiltskin
67. James happens upon the waylaid guardsman and finds out that Snow White will be trying to kill the Evil Queen on the way to the summer palace
68. Rumpelstiltskin says he can't bring back Snow White's personality or memories, but does, over Grumpy's objections, give her a bow and arrow to help her kill the Evil Queen with ("An arrow fired from this bow will give you exactly what you need. It always finds its target!")
69. James goes to Rumpelstiltskin to find out what's going on with Snow White. Rumpelstiltskin reveals that she took a forgetfulness potion which changed her. True love's kiss, however, will of course cure her. Rumpelstiltskin tells James where she is in exchange for James' cloak, and warns James that if Snow succeeds in killing the Evil Queen, she'll become as evil as her and James will never get her back.
70. James catches up to Snow White and kisses her without any effect whatsoever. Enraged, she decks him, knocks him out and ties him to a tree. She then tries to assassinate the Evil Queen, but James, freed by Jiminy Cricket, jumps in front of her arrow in order to save her from evil. Touched by his sacrifice for her, she kisses him and remembers everything.
71. Unfortunately, it's at this point that King George's soldiers catch up to James. They stuff him in a wheeled cage and take him away, leaving Snow White vowing to find him.
72. Rumpelstiltskin combines Snow White's hair with James' hair (which he tweezed off the cloak) and actually manages to bottle love. ("If you can bottle love, you can do anything.")
73. At some point, Snow White must rescue James. Given that they're not killed, they must work it out somehow so that James can end up marrying Snow White and still have a castle to live in - clearly that's a story in itself.
74. Snow White is poisoned by the Evil Queen, put into a coffin, and is brought back to life by a kiss from James
75. Snow White and James get married (she would have been given his mother's ring by this time); during the wedding, the Evil Queen threatens everyone with the curse
76. Cinderella and Thomas get married
77. Snow White gets pregnant
78. Cinderella gets pregnant
79. (This might have happened before Snow White and/or Cinderella got pregnant, or after Rumpelstiltskin is captured, it's not clear:) The Evil Queen steals the curse back from her buddy Maleficent and tries it with no effect
80. Cinderella, Thomas, and James conspire to imprison Rumpelstiltskin; Thomas disappears
81. While pregnant, Snow freaks out about the Evil Queen's threat; she and James visit Rumpelstiltskin and find out that their daughter will be the saviour in exchange for telling Rumpelstiltskin the baby's name, and then plans begin to send Snow away from the curse via an enchanted tree wardrobe
82. The Evil Queen visits Rumpelstiltskin to find out why his curse is a dud and, in exchange for a promise of being rich post-curse and the Evil Queen having to do anything he asks if he says please, he tells her that she needs to sacrifice the thing she loves most; she also discovers that the curse can be undone by Snow's baby
83. The Evil Queen offs her dad
84. The Evil Queen successfully enacts the curse as Snow White is in labour
85. Emma is born; James sends her to safety via the enchanted tree wardrobe
86. The Evil Queen arrives at James' palace, although not in time to grab the baby, and laughs maniacally as the curse takes effect
87. Everyone in the fairy tale world is sent to Storybrook and time stops for them
88. Around age 18, Emma gets knocked up with Henry. The father is likely a married man.
89. At some point during the pregnancy, Emma is sent to jail.
90. Henry is born in jail. Emma decides to give him up for adoption. At the same time, Regina decides she wants to adopt a baby. Rumplestiltskin is the gobetween and somehow acquires Emma's baby for Regina in exchange for an unknown favour from Regina.
91. Over the next ten years, Henry is presumably the only person in storybrook who ages, since he was a baby when he got there and a ten-year-old ten years later. Given that Cinderella's pregnancy never advances in the 28 years when Storybrook time is frozen, and given that Hansel and Gretel are the same age they were when Emma comes to town as they were when the curse took effect, none of the Storybrook people can have children during the time freeze, nor would the Storybrook children ever age. This would probably be very conclusive proof for Henry that things are majorly effed up in his home town; why he never points this out to Emma or anyone as proof that he's not delusional is beyond me.

Hold on to your hat

So here's something rather interesting: why do we never see the Queen of Hearts' face? I also find it very interesting that the Queen of Hearts has a vault that looks a lot like the vault of hearts that Regina keeps. Could it be that Regina and the Queen of Hearts are the same person, existing in two different worlds?

Also, from the previews of next week's show, it looks like we'll find out more about what Snow White did to make the Evil Queen so angry at her.

And finally, what game is Mr. Gold playing? What, he agreed to a deal with Regina to screw over Mary Margaret? While also striking a deal with Emma to save her? Man, his motivations are murky and confusing.

Revised timeline:

1. Rumpelstiltskin kills the Dark One and acquires magic and power.
2. Rumpelstiltskin makes a deal with Jimminy and gives him turn-people-into-scary-ass-dolls potion. Said potion is accidentally used on Gepetto's parents; the Blue Fairy turns Jimminy into an immortal cricket and he becomes Gepetto's best friend.
3. Around this time (a little more than 60 years before the curse), Granny's father and brothers are slaughtered by a werewolf, who then bites Granny. Later, he returns and changes her into a werewolf. They marry, and go on to have a daughter who is also a werewolf. She is later killed by a hunting party, but not before she gives birth to Red, who starts becoming a werewolf at the full moon at the age of 13. From a wizard, Granny buys a red cloak that will prevent Red from changing into a werewolf. Also at some point, Granny's husband dies, as she is later referred to as "Widow Lucas". Granny's werewolfness eventually fades away, although she retains some things, like tracking ability (sense of smell).
4. Rumpelstiltskin makes a deal with James' parents to take one of their twins as a son for King George in exchange for a farm
5. The Evil Queen has love and loses it because of Snow White not being able to keep a secret (possibly Snow's father is responsible as well)
6. (This may occur somewhat earlier in the timeline) The summer palace is built for Snow White's mother
7. The Evil Queen marries Snow White's father
8. (Not sure exactly where in the timeline this one goes, but this seems a good guess as it is supposed to occur one year before the Nova-and-Grumpy story) Fairy-godmother-in-training Nova accidentally spills some fairy dust, and it lands on a dwarf egg. The egg immediately hatches and the dwarf inside it is born prematurely, looking around for Nova, whose face he saw while inside the egg. He is informed by another dwarf, Bossy, that dwarves do not fall in love, and, along with his seven brothers (Happy, Doc, Dopey, Sneezy, Bashful, Sneaky and Sleepy) who hatch a little bit later, is given basic dwarf orientation before being given a pick-axe which christens him "Dreamy" and is then sent to mine diamonds and fairy dust.
9. Snow White's father finds the genie, frees him, and takes him back to his palace for yuks
10. The Evil Queen fools the genie into thinking she loves him, and (with her father's help) gets him to murder Snow White's father for her.
11. The genie finds out the Evil Queen is a lying liar who lies, and wishes himself into every mirror she looks into.
12. At some point after the genie is wished into the mirror, the Queen of Hearts kidnaps the Evil Queen's father and hides him in Wonderland. She cons the Mad Hatter into taking her into Wonderland to rescue her father, and then leaves the Mad Hatter there, thus leaving his daughter Grace fatherless.
13. Snow White realises that the Evil Queen is out to get her (since she seemed to be perfectly trusting of the Evil Queen earlier when she was mourning her dad, but knows the Evil Queen wants to kill her not too long after when the Huntsman takes her into the woods)
14. The Evil Queen tells the Huntsman to kill Snow White; instead, he MacGyvers a help-summoning whistle for her and lets her go
15. (This one might have happened before the Huntsman took Snow into the woods, but given that there was a vengeance associated with Snow White using the powder that we didn't see when she was writing the letter to the Evil Queen before the Huntsman caught up with her in the woods, I would guess it happens at this stage of the story instead:) Snow White somehow acquires magic insect powder
16. Snow White starts living rough in the woods; in the winter she hides out one night in Granny and Red's barn during the full moon and is found by Red the next morning. Also that morning, Red and Snow discover that the wolf has massacred a bunch of men who were trying to kill it.
17. Red tells Snow White about the man she loves (Peter), and they decide to track the wolf during the daytime. Red turns out to be a fabulous tracker. The wolf tracks turn into boot tracks and lead to Red's window. Red and Snow White conclude that the wolf is a werewolf and that in its human form, it's Peter.
18. Snow and Red switch cloaks so that Red can warn Peter and chain him to a tree to keep him from killing or being killed
19. Granny discovers the ruse and confesses that the werewolf is actually Red and that the red cloak stops her from turning; Granny and Snow run out to find Red, but she is already munching on Peter. Granny drops the werewolf with a silver-tipped arrow and Snow throws the red cloak over her to change her back into Red. As the huntsmen close in, Snow spirits Red away, leaving Granny to face the music. (She obviously ends up okay, since she and Red are reunited in Prince Charming's castle.)
20. Snow White starts stealing gold and whatnot. (She seems to have picked up some badassery from Granny.) At some point after Snow White starts roughing it, Red seems to regularly bring helpful supplies to Snow White.
21. James' twin brother is killed trying to impress Midas.
22. Rumpelstiltskin makes a deal with King George to get James for him to replace the dead twin.
23. Presumably around this time, King George tells Rumpelstiltskin the location of Cinderella's fairy godmother as payment for getting James for him. At some point thereafter, Rumpelstiltskin poofs said fairy godmother, takes control of her wand, and gets Cinderella to agree to giving him her first-born son in exchange for prettying her up and getting her to the ball.
24. James kills a dragon and gets engaged to Abigail
25. James sees his mother for the last time and gets her lucky ring to give to his future wife
26. As James is making his way back from Midas' kingdom to his own, Snow ambushes his carriage and makes off with his mother's special ring. After a series of madcap adventures together, during which she uses up her insect powder, she gives him back his ring and they go their separate ways.
27. Snow White and James can't stop thinking about each other.
28. Snow White gets a forgetfulness potion from Rumpelstiltskin in exchange for some strands of her hair.
29. James sends Snow White her a letter by dove professing his love.
30. The Evil Queen kidnaps Hansel and Gretel's father and sends Hansel and Gretel to the blind witch's house to steal the poisoned apple
31. Hansel and Gretel deliver the apple to the Evil Queen and she offers to adopt them as her children. They refuse, and she casts them out into the forest.
32. (This part and the rest of the Belle story and the Grumpy-and-Nova story may actually take place earlier, but this placement seems as good a spot as any; I'll certainly move it if more information comes up that makes its placement more specific) The Ogre Wars are going extremely badly for some mayor guy. He makes a deal with Rumpelstiltskin to solve his ogre problem, in return for which his daughter Belle agrees to be Rumpelstiltskin's servant for life.
33. Belle gets to know Rumpelstiltskin and starts bringing him out of his shell. In the process, she chips one of his teacups. She also discovers that he had a son, but fails miserably to get him to ever talk about it. Chemistry between the two of them builds. At one point, Belle's old fiancé tries to "rescue" her, but Rumpelstiltskin turns him into a rose and gives it to Belle, who reveals that her betrothal was purely for political reasons. Eventually, Rumpelstiltskin sends Belle to market for him, fully believing she'll take advantage of this freedom to escape.
34. On the road to or from the market, Belle meets up with the Evil Queen, who tells her that true love's kiss breaks any curse.
35. Belle goes back to Rumpelstiltskin (which surprises the hell out of him) and kisses him. This makes Rumpelstiltskin start to change back into human form; he freaks out and thus stops the transformation. Belle triumphantly tells him about true love's kiss and he freaks out even more. He knows that the Evil Queen is behind this (wanting to eliminate his powers so she will have less magical competition, according to him) and believes that Belle is also out to get him. He has a tremendously impressive temper tantrum and kicks her out of his castle for good.
36. About a year after his birth, Dreamy sees Nova and they have instant chemistry. Nova asks Grumpy out on a date to see fireflies, which he doesn't recognize as a come-on.
37. Belle, drowning her sorrows over Rumpelstiltskin in drink, meets up with Dreamy at a bar and gives him a clue-by-four upside the head that he's in love and that Nova was actually asking him out.
38. Nova arranges for a boat so she and Dreamy can sail around the world.
39. Dreamy sneaks out to run away with Nova but is waylaid at the last minute by the Blue Fairy and Bossy, who convince him to forget being with Nova.
40. Dreamy meets up with Nova, who shows him the boat. He dumps her and heads back to the mine, where he is re-named Grumpy.
41. (This part may happen a bit later) For some reason, the dwarves stop living in the mines underground and start living in a cottage in the woods
42. (This part may happen before Belle meets Dreamy in the bar, it's not clear) The Evil Queen pays a visit to Rumpelstiltskin following his rejection of Belle and tells him (lying, obviously, but Rumpelstiltskin believes her) that Belle's been cast out by her father and killed. Rumpelstiltskin is devastated.
43. (This part may happen at any point between now and the Curse) Something happens to Belle in fairytale land which causes her to end up in a secret psych ward in the Storybrooke hospital once the Curse is enacted.
44. Grumpy is cast into King George's dungeon for some reason.
45. Snow White shows up at King George's palace and is captured, meeting Grumpy in a dungeon. Stealthy breaks them out and is killed trying to escape. Snow White saves Grumpy and meets with King George. King George tells Snow White to tell James she doesn't love him, and lets her in on the fact that James is not really his son. Snow accordingly breaks James' heart and leaves the castle.
46. The seven dwarves meet up with Snow as she leaves the castle and convince her not to use the forgetfulness potion immediately. This scene is viewed by the Evil Queen in her magic mirror.
47. The Evil Queen speaks to Hansel and Gretel's father and discovers that the secret of their happiness is the bond of being a family
48. (This could have happened earlier or later than this point, but I'm sticking it in here for convenience) The Evil Queen acquires the curse from Rumpelstiltskin (doubtless in a deal of some kind) and eventually trades it to Malificent in exchange for a poison to kill Snow White.
49. Abigail tells James about her past love, Frederick. James battles the siren of Lake Nostos. This allows Abigail to free Frederick and motivates James to try and win Snow White's love.
50. It becomes general knowledge that James and Abigail's engagement is off.
51. James goes to some woodland area trying to find Snow White. (I guess a little bird must have told him to go there.) Red Riding Hood tells him she's gone. King George, furious over the broken engagement, shows up with his posse and tries to kill James, who grabs Red Riding Hood and flees on horseback. Pursuit ensues.
52. James and Red manage to elude King George's men for a time, but are found after they make camp. To give James a headstart, Red tells him to go on alone and then, because there is a full moon, takes off her hood so she can fursplode and attack the soldiers. At least one survives as we see him later on with nasty scratches all over his face; it is not known whether Red escapes or is captured.
53. Snow White, however, has already taken the forgetfulness potion.
54. Unfortunately, this has the side effect of turning her into a right royal bitch. With the help of Jiminy Cricket, the dwarves stage an intervention to try and get her to be nice again, but only succeed in motivating her to kill the Evil Queen in cold blood.
55. Snow White waylays one of the Evil Queen's knights and finds out that the Evil Queen will soon be travelling to the summer palace.
56. Grumpy convinces Snow White to get help from Rumpelstiltskin
57. James happens upon the waylaid guardsman and finds out that Snow White will be trying to kill the Evil Queen on the way to the summer palace
58. Rumpelstiltskin says he can't bring back Snow White's personality or memories, but does, over Grumpy's objections, give her a bow and arrow to help her kill the Evil Queen with ("An arrow fired from this bow will give you exactly what you need. It always finds its target!")
59. James goes to Rumpelstiltskin to find out what's going on with Snow White. Rumpelstiltskin reveals that she took a forgetfulness potion which changed her. True love's kiss, however, will of course cure her. Rumpelstiltskin tells James where she is in exchange for James' cloak, and warns James that if Snow succeeds in killing the Evil Queen, she'll become as evil as her and James will never get her back.
60. James catches up to Snow White and kisses her without any effect whatsoever. Enraged, she decks him, knocks him out and ties him to a tree. She then tries to assassinate the Evil Queen, but James, freed by Jiminy Cricket, jumps in front of her arrow in order to save her from evil. Touched by his sacrifice for her, she kisses him and remembers everything.
61. Unfortunately, it's at this point that King George's soldiers catch up to James. They stuff him in a wheeled cage and take him away, leaving Snow White vowing to find him.
62. Rumpelstiltskin combines Snow White's hair with James' hair (which he tweezed off the cloak) and actually manages to bottle love. ("If you can bottle love, you can do anything.")
63. At some point, Snow White must rescue James. Given that they're not killed, they must work it out somehow so that James can end up marrying Snow White and still have a castle to live in - clearly that's a story in itself.
64. Snow White is poisoned by the Evil Queen, put into a coffin, and is brought back to life by a kiss from James
65. Snow White and James get married (she would have been given his mother's ring by this time); during the wedding, the Evil Queen threatens everyone with the curse
66. Cinderella and Thomas get married
67. Snow White gets pregnant
68. Cinderella gets pregnant
69. (This might have happened before Snow White and/or Cinderella got pregnant, or after Rumpelstiltskin is captured, it's not clear:) The Evil Queen steals the curse back from her buddy Maleficent and tries it with no effect
70. Cinderella, Thomas, and James conspire to imprison Rumpelstiltskin; Thomas disappears
71. While pregnant, Snow freaks out about the Evil Queen's threat; she and James visit Rumpelstiltskin and find out that their daughter will be the saviour in exchange for telling Rumpelstiltskin the baby's name, and then plans begin to send Snow away from the curse via an enchanted tree wardrobe
72. The Evil Queen visits Rumpelstiltskin to find out why his curse is a dud and, in exchange for a promise of being rich post-curse and the Evil Queen having to do anything he asks if he says please, he tells her that she needs to sacrifice the thing she loves most; she also discovers that the curse can be undone by Snow's baby
73. The Evil Queen offs her dad
74. The Evil Queen successfully enacts the curse as Snow White is in labour
75. Emma is born; James sends her to safety via the enchanted tree wardrobe
76. The Evil Queen arrives at James' palace, although not in time to grab the baby, and laughs maniacally as the curse takes effect
77. Everyone in the fairy tale world is sent to Storybrook and time stops for them
78. Around age 18, Emma gets knocked up with Henry. The father is likely a married man.
79. At some point during the pregnancy, Emma is sent to jail.
80. Henry is born in jail. Emma decides to give him up for adoption. At the same time, Regina decides she wants to adopt a baby. Rumplestiltskin is the gobetween and somehow acquires Emma's baby for Regina in exchange for an unknown favour from Regina.
81. Over the next ten years, Henry is presumably the only person in storybrook who ages, since he was a baby when he got there and a ten-year-old ten years later. Given that Cinderella's pregnancy never advances in the 28 years when Storybrook time is frozen, and given that Hansel and Gretel are the same age they were when Emma comes to town as they were when the curse took effect, none of the Storybrook people can have children during the time freeze, nor would the Storybrook children ever age. This would probably be very conclusive proof for Henry that things are majorly effed up in his home town; why he never points this out to Emma or anyone as proof that he's not delusional is beyond me.

Peter and the wolf

Diabolical!

So Regina's been doing her stealing-people's-hearts thing again, but instead of storing this one in her vault, she buried it near the toll bridge. Lots of questions here.

• Whose heart is it? We're meant to think it's Kathryn's of course, but I guess we have to wait for the DNA tests to come back on that one.
• Even if it is Kathryn's heart, does that necessarily mean she's dead? After all, Regina had Graham's heart in her vault, and he was still alive.
• It would seem that Regina is trying to frame Mary Margaret by putting her prints on the box, but is that really what's happening? How could Regina seriously expect anyone would find the box in order for any framing to actually work?
• Maybe that was just Regina's special hiding place for that particular heart, and Mary Margaret's prints are on it because she touched the box as Snow White during her time in fairytale land?
• What's the deal with David's weird blackouts? How did he get that cut on his head?

Also, if Red's grandfather-in-werewolf-form looked deeply into Granny's eyes and liked her enough to mark her instead of killing her, so he could come back later and change her to be his mate, why didn't Red do the same thing with Peter? I suppose technically, since no one actually checked Peter's pulse, that maybe that's just what she did, but he seemed pretty bloody and she seemed to be snacking on him rather a lot for him to be just "marked".

I also find it interesting that a lot of the people who were at Snow White and Prince James' what-the-heck-do-we-do-about-this-curse council were "picked up" by Snow White during her adventures - first the dwarves, now Granny and Red. Does this mean we can expect a future episode where she'll strike up friendships with Gepetto and Jiminy? Is this why Prince James still managed to have a castle and followers even though King George tried to kill him - because he and Snow acquired friends through their wonderfulness and brought them in to be members of their own kingdom? Are they actually rulers of some kind of rebel group of fairytale land folk?

And finally, I think Meghan Ory (Red/Ruby) might just be the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Her face is exquisite. If I were a man (and straight), she would totally be on my List.

Revised timeline:

1. Rumpelstiltskin kills the Dark One and acquires magic and power.
2. Rumpelstiltskin makes a deal with Jimminy and gives him turn-people-into-scary-ass-dolls potion. Said potion is accidentally used on Gepetto's parents; the Blue Fairy turns Jimminy into an immortal cricket and he becomes Gepetto's best friend.
3. Around this time (a little more than 60 years before the curse), Granny's father and brothers are slaughtered by a werewolf, who then bites Granny. Later, he returns and changes her into a werewolf. They marry, and go on to have a daughter who is also a werewolf. She is later killed by a hunting party, but not before she gives birth to Red, who starts becoming a werewolf at the full moon at the age of 13. From a wizard, Granny buys a red cloak that will prevent Red from changing into a werewolf. Also at some point, Granny's husband dies, as she is later referred to as "Widow Lucas". Granny's werewolfness eventually fades away, although she retains some things, like tracking ability (sense of smell).
4. Rumpelstiltskin makes a deal with James' parents to take one of their twins as a son for King George in exchange for a farm
5. The Evil Queen has love and loses it because of Snow White not being able to keep a secret (possibly Snow's father is responsible as well)
6. The Evil Queen marries Snow White's father
7. (Not sure exactly where in the timeline this one goes, but this seems a good guess as it is supposed to occur one year before the Nova-and-Grumpy story) Fairy-godmother-in-training Nova accidentally spills some fairy dust, and it lands on a dwarf egg. The egg immediately hatches and the dwarf inside it is born prematurely, looking around for Nova, whose face he saw while inside the egg. He is informed by another dwarf, Bossy, that dwarves do not fall in love, and, along with his seven brothers (Happy, Doc, Dopey, Sneezy, Bashful, Sneaky and Sleepy) who hatch a little bit later, is given basic dwarf orientation before being given a pick-axe which christens him "Dreamy" and is then sent to mine diamonds and fairy dust.
8. Snow White's father finds the genie, frees him, and takes him back to his palace for yuks
9. The Evil Queen fools the genie into thinking she loves him, and (with her father's help) gets him to murder Snow White's father for her.
10. The genie finds out the Evil Queen is a lying liar who lies, and wishes himself into every mirror she looks into.
11. Snow White realises that the Evil Queen is out to get her (since she seemed to be perfectly trusting of the Evil Queen earlier when she was mourning her dad, but knows the Evil Queen wants to kill her not too long after when the Huntsman takes her into the woods)
12. The Evil Queen tells the Huntsman to kill Snow White; instead, he MacGyvers a help-summoning whistle for her and lets her go
13. (This one might have happened before the Huntsman took Snow into the woods, but given that there was a vengeance associated with Snow White using the powder that we didn't see when she was writing the letter to the Evil Queen before the Huntsman caught up with her in the woods, I would guess it happens at this stage of the story instead:) Snow White somehow acquires magic insect powder
14. Snow White starts living rough in the woods; in the winter she hides out one night in Granny and Red's barn during the full moon and is found by Red the next morning. Also that morning, Red and Snow discover that the wolf has massacred a bunch of men who were trying to kill it.
15. Red tells Snow White about the man she loves (Peter), and they decide to track the wolf during the daytime. Red turns out to be a fabulous tracker. The wolf tracks turn into boot tracks and lead to Red's window. Red and Snow White conclude that the wolf is a werewolf and that in its human form, it's Peter.
16. Snow and Red switch cloaks so that Red can warn Peter and chain him to a tree to keep him from killing or being killed
17. Granny discovers the ruse and confesses that the werewolf is actually Red and that the red cloak stops her from turning; Granny and Snow run out to find Red, but she is already munching on Peter. Granny drops the werewolf with a silver-tipped arrow and Snow throws the red cloak over her to change her back into Red. As the huntsmen close in, Snow spirits Red away, leaving Granny to face the music. (She obviously ends up okay, since she and Red are reunited in Prince Charming's castle.)
18. Snow White starts stealing gold and whatnot. (She seems to have picked up some badassery from Granny.) At some point after Snow White starts roughing it, Red seems to regularly bring helpful supplies to Snow White.
19. James' twin brother is killed trying to impress Midas.
20. Rumpelstiltskin makes a deal with King George to get James for him to replace the dead twin.
21. Presumably around this time, King George tells Rumpelstiltskin the location of Cinderella's fairy godmother as payment for getting James for him. At some point thereafter, Rumpelstiltskin poofs said fairy godmother, takes control of her wand, and gets Cinderella to agree to giving him her first-born son in exchange for prettying her up and getting her to the ball.
22. James kills a dragon and gets engaged to Abigail
23. James sees his mother for the last time and gets her lucky ring to give to his future wife
24. As James is making his way back from Midas' kingdom to his own, Snow ambushes his carriage and makes off with his mother's special ring. After a series of madcap adventures together, during which she uses up her insect powder, she gives him back his ring and they go their separate ways.
25. Snow White and James can't stop thinking about each other.
26. Snow White gets a forgetfulness potion from Rumpelstiltskin in exchange for some strands of her hair.
27. James sends Snow White her a letter by dove professing his love.
28. The Evil Queen kidnaps Hansel and Gretel's father and sends Hansel and Gretel to the blind witch's house to steal the poisoned apple
29. Hansel and Gretel deliver the apple to the Evil Queen and she offers to adopt them as her children. They refuse, and she casts them out into the forest.
30. (This part and the rest of the Belle story and the Grumpy-and-Nova story may actually take place earlier, but this placement seems as good a spot as any; I'll certainly move it if more information comes up that makes its placement more specific) The Ogre Wars are going extremely badly for some mayor guy. He makes a deal with Rumpelstiltskin to solve his ogre problem, in return for which his daughter Belle agrees to be Rumpelstiltskin's servant for life.
31. Belle gets to know Rumpelstiltskin and starts bringing him out of his shell. In the process, she chips one of his teacups. She also discovers that he had a son, but fails miserably to get him to ever talk about it. Chemistry between the two of them builds. At one point, Belle's old fiancé tries to "rescue" her, but Rumpelstiltskin turns him into a rose and gives it to Belle, who reveals that her betrothal was purely for political reasons. Eventually, Rumpelstiltskin sends Belle to market for him, fully believing she'll take advantage of this freedom to escape.
32. On the road to or from the market, Belle meets up with the Evil Queen, who tells her that true love's kiss breaks any curse.
33. Belle goes back to Rumpelstiltskin (which surprises the hell out of him) and kisses him. This makes Rumpelstiltskin start to change back into human form; he freaks out and thus stops the transformation. Belle triumphantly tells him about true love's kiss and he freaks out even more. He knows that the Evil Queen is behind this (wanting to eliminate his powers so she will have less magical competition, according to him) and believes that Belle is also out to get him. He has a tremendously impressive temper tantrum and kicks her out of his castle for good.
34. About a year after his birth, Dreamy sees Nova and they have instant chemistry. Nova asks Grumpy out on a date to see fireflies, which he doesn't recognize as a come-on.
35. Belle, drowning her sorrows over Rumpelstiltskin in drink, meets up with Dreamy at a bar and gives him a clue-by-four upside the head that he's in love and that Nova was actually asking him out.
36. Nova arranges for a boat so she and Dreamy can sail around the world.
37. Dreamy sneaks out to run away with Nova but is waylaid at the last minute by the Blue Fairy and Bossy, who convince him to forget being with Nova.
38. Dreamy meets up with Nova, who shows him the boat. He dumps her and heads back to the mine, where he is re-named Grumpy.
39. (This part may happen before Belle meets Dreamy in the bar, it's not clear) The Evil Queen pays a visit to Rumpelstiltskin following his rejection of Belle and tells him (lying, obviously, but Rumpelstiltskin believes her) that Belle's been cast out by her father and killed. Rumpelstiltskin is devastated.
40. (This part may happen at any point between now and the Curse) Something happens to Belle in fairytale land which causes her to end up in a secret psych ward in the Storybrooke hospital once the Curse is enacted.
41. Grumpy is cast into King George's dungeon for some reason.
42. Snow White shows up at King George's palace and is captured, meeting Grumpy in a dungeon. Stealthy breaks them out and is killed trying to escape. Snow White saves Grumpy and meets with King George. King George tells Snow White to tell James she doesn't love him, and lets her in on the fact that James is not really his son. Snow accordingly breaks James' heart and leaves the castle.
43. The seven dwarves meet up with Snow as she leaves the castle and convince her not to use the forgetfulness potion immediately. This scene is viewed by the Evil Queen in her magic mirror.
44. The Evil Queen speaks to Hansel and Gretel's father and discovers that the secret of their happiness is the bond of being a family
45. (This could have happened earlier or later than this point, but I'm sticking it in here for convenience) The Evil Queen acquires the curse from Rumpelstiltskin (doubtless in a deal of some kind) and eventually trades it to Malificent in exchange for a poison to kill Snow White.
46. Abigail tells James about her past love, Frederick. James battles the siren of Lake Nostos. This allows Abigail to free Frederick and motivates James to try and win Snow White's love.
47. It becomes general knowledge that James and Abigail's engagement is off.
48. James goes to some woodland area trying to find Snow White. (I guess a little bird must have told him to go there.) Red Riding Hood tells him she's gone. King George, furious over the broken engagement, shows up with his posse and tries to kill James, who grabs Red Riding Hood and flees on horseback. Pursuit ensues. (Given that they're not killed, they must work it out somehow so that James can end up marrying Snow White and still have a castle to live in - clearly that's a story in itself.)
49. Snow White, however, has already taken the forgetfulness potion.
50. At some point, the forgetfulness potion is reversed (Water from Lake Nostos, maybe?)
51. Snow White is poisoned by the Evil Queen, put into a coffin, and is brought back to life by a kiss from James
52. Snow White and James get married (she would have been given his mother's ring by this time); during the wedding, the Evil Queen threatens everyone with the curse
53. Cinderella and Thomas get married
54. Snow White gets pregnant
55. Cinderella gets pregnant
56. (This might have happened before Snow White and/or Cinderella got pregnant, or after Rumpelstiltskin is captured, it's not clear:) The Evil Queen steals the curse back from her buddy Maleficent and tries it with no effect
57. Cinderella, Thomas, and James conspire to imprison Rumpelstiltskin; Thomas disappears
58. While pregnant, Snow freaks out about the Evil Queen's threat; she and James visit Rumpelstiltskin and find out that their daughter will be the saviour in exchange for telling Rumpelstiltskin the baby's name, and then plans begin to send Snow away from the curse via an enchanted tree wardrobe
59. The Evil Queen visits Rumpelstiltskin to find out why his curse is a dud and, in exchange for a promise of being rich post-curse and the Evil Queen having to do anything he asks if he says please, he tells her that she needs to sacrifice the thing she loves most; she also discovers that the curse can be undone by Snow's baby
60. The Evil Queen offs her dad
61. The Evil Queen successfully enacts the curse as Snow White is in labour
62. Emma is born; James sends her to safety via the enchanted tree wardrobe
63. The Evil Queen arrives at James' palace, although not in time to grab the baby, and laughs maniacally as the curse takes effect
64. Everyone in the fairy tale world is sent to Storybrook and time stops for them
65. Around age 18, Emma gets knocked up with Henry. The father is likely a married man.
66. At some point during the pregnancy, Emma is sent to jail.
67. Henry is born in jail. Emma decides to give him up for adoption. At the same time, Regina decides she wants to adopt a baby. Rumplestiltskin is the gobetween and somehow acquires Emma's baby for Regina in exchange for an unknown favour from Regina.
68. Over the next ten years, Henry is presumably the only person in storybrook who ages, since he was a baby when he got there and a ten-year-old ten years later. Given that Cinderella's pregnancy never advances in the 28 years when Storybrook time is frozen, and given that Hansel and Gretel are the same age they were when Emma comes to town as they were when the curse took effect, none of the Storybrook people can have children during the time freeze, nor would the Storybrook children ever age. This would probably be very conclusive proof for Henry that things are majorly effed up in his home town; why he never points this out to Emma or anyone as proof that he's not delusional is beyond me.